Interracial relationships are actually quite common but very challenging. As statistics on interracial relationships show, the world is changing for the better on this topic. As people of different races get to know each other better through advances in media and travel, the differences between them naturally blur, and similarities become more obvious. Still, mixed-race relationships can pose unique challenges. Luckily, mutual respect and understanding can help solve these problems.
What is Interracial Relationship?
It used to be that the term “interracial” referred to people of different skin colors, usually within the same country. Today, it can also refer to people of different ethnicity, even if their skin appears the same. The world is increasingly multi-cultural, and “mixed” couples of all varieties exist.
The Importance of Cultural Understanding
Culture clash can occur in any relationship between people of dissimilar backgrounds, but it is more common in interracial relationships. A culture clash is a conflict that occurs when people believe in different cultural values, and each considers their values as the “correct” ones.
In order to fully understand your partner, it is important to understand where he or she comes from. It is well worth taking the time to do the following things.
- Study his or her country of origin.
- Get to know his or her family, if possible.
- Ask questions to define his or her ideas and beliefs.
Establishing Religious Understanding
Problems are also common in relationships between people with different religious backgrounds. Religion has a strong influence in many people’s lives, and religious beliefs definitely come into play in relationships. For example, traditional Islam has very definite ideas about the roles of men and women in marriage. A non-Muslim woman can be caught completely off guard by her conservative Muslim partner’s expectations.
If you intend for this to become a long term relationship, you should discuss:
- If you have children, which religion will they follow?
- Will both of you be allowed to worship freely?
- Will one or both of you be expected to study the other’s religion?
- Will one of you be expected to convert?
Overcoming Language Barriers
It is often said that men and women speak different languages. This issue is even more obvious in interracial relationships. Sometimes, couples of different backgrounds have radically different ways of speaking. Someone from a different country, for example, might not initially understand a slang term and could be unduly offended. In other cases, one partner is not a native speaker, and misunderstandings ensue.
When faced with these issues, patience and a sense of humor go a long way! Also take the time to learn about your partners language. Not only will this help with communication, it will also demonstrate how serious you are about making the relationship work.
Bold or Subtle Attacks on Your Partner’s Race or Culture
While it’s true that racists exist and seemingly love to share their toxic opinions, sometimes the offensive words come from people who don’t realize they’re being offensive in the first place. People who are close to you may feel comfortable in asking questions or making statements regarding your partner’s race or culture without realizing they’re promoting stereotypes that can be considered offensive. How you deal with this depends on the setting and your own desire to educate people:
- Ask for clarification on the statement or question.
- Tell them you can’t speak for your partner’s race or culture.
- Explain why the question or statement was offensive.
- End the conversation and walk away.
Knowing how to deal with Anger Directed Toward You
People of your own race or culture might convey anger at your “abandoning” of your “own people,” just as people of your partner’s race or culture might scold you for taking one of “their people” out of the dating pool. And even if this is presented in a joking manner, it’s still aggressive and ignorant.
- Assert your feelings for your partner regardless of their race or culture.
- Tell people it’s not their business who you choose to be with.
- Assure people your partner was not “stolen” and entered the relationship willingly.
- End the conversation and walk away.
People Surprised by Your Status
In a group setting, people may not easily assume that the two of you are a couple. This can certainly get annoying, especially if you suspect the assumptions of those around you are rooted in racism or cultural elitism. You have many options for how to deal with this, including, but not limited to:
- Display outward signs of your status as a couple (arm around each other, holding hands, staying close to one another) as appropriate for the setting.
- Introduce your significant other as your significant other.
- Laugh it off and don’t put too much stock into what others think.
Knowing how to Handle Antagonistic Friends
Your friends or your partner’s friends may not be on board with your plans. Frankly, this is actually a non-issue. If these friends are not interested in your happiness or the happiness of your partner, can they really be considered friends? Think about it. Do you really want to be around people who judge and condemn you, gossip behind your back, and are not interested in your best interests?
Getting to Meet the Family
Suppose you do meet someone of a different race, spend time with him or her, fall in love, and learn about each other’s cultures. If you eventually decide you’re ready to get married, you will still have one obstacle to face: meeting each other’s parents and family.
Here are some tips to help you answer awkward questions or deal with silent hostility.
- Be open to the idea that the parents might be close-minded. They may have deep-seated prejudices against their child marrying someone from a different race. They may either be combative or sulky. When you prepare your mindset ahead of time, you won’t have to take their prejudice personally. Their negative opinions have nothing to do with your value as a person.
- When speaking to the parents, be patient. Give them time to adjust, change their expectations or overcome any racial misunderstandings based on stereotypes.
- Be kind and gracious. This will make it more difficult for them to find fault with you. It’s hard to dislike someone who is warm, generous, and means well. Their prejudices will begin to lose strength, and they will have to rethink their biases.
- Recruit your partner’s siblings or relatives who are in favor of your relationship. When the parents see how well the rest of their family is adjusting to the change in their child’s life, they will be forced to re-evaluate their own perspectives. They may eventually let go of their belief that their child should marry someone with a matching skin color.
Finally, Focus on Your Similarities
Despite any differences, people are people and love is love. If you have truly found your match, you will be able to overcome any obstacle. While it is important to acknowledge and accept differences, it is more important to honor your similarities. All relationships need some middle ground. For a long term love relationship, it is important that you share a basic outlook on life and that you have similar values. With love, mutual respect, and a solid foundation, you can overcome anything!